This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
