how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
