So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
