What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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