He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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