Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
