better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
