You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm at about main and main street
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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