I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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