I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
