I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
