When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
