I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
