I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I did not marry a roomba.
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