bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
