im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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