Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
