Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
