So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
