I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
