I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
