You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
