every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
