I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
