so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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