Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is the high leading the old right now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
