Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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