I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
