I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
