Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
