you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
