Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
