I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
