I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize