I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I smell like Dick and happiness
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
