I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize