i just sent this text using only my big toe
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
