Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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