The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You may now shotgun with the bride
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
