Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your penis caused this!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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