Sponge bath it is.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
