I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
