Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
