its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
