"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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