when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
