Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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