she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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