JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
