ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How external is "for external use only"?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
