so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
