now i know why i became what i already was.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
