Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
