who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
