What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Enjoy the penises
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
