remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
