saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
