READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
