thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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