am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
