what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
