pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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