where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
