I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
