This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
