my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize