yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
