I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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