Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
