Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize