i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
