Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
