Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish you could order shots online.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
